I say things I missed to say few months ago

She used to call me Monster.. Well, as always, things are not as simple as they seem...When I heard the news of her, of course I thought right away that this was indeed my big chance...and I guess I just figured that, if this rumor was really true, then all the work might just be done for me...I sure didn't want to see her world turned upside down at such an important time in her life., and nobody else did, either. Of course, that also meant that She was going to have plenty of time over the next month or so to dig her grave even deeper, if that's indeed what she was doing. In fact, it seemed to me that she almost wanted to get caught. But it just seemed a little funny.What seemed even stranger was what happened a couple of months after I broke up with her. 2 nights after I was there for the sneak preview on her blog. I saw the labor day weekend. She wanted to set him straight, or something.I played dumb I've tried to bury it, I've tried to move past it, I've tried everything but one thing....to man up, take a stand, and actually try and do something about it. Like Nothing LOL. And that's what I have to do...I have to just lay it all on the line for her & see once & for all if this is what's really supposed to happen. I'm pretty sure leaving her in the first place was the dumbest thing, so at least I know it's not that. But I still don't know what's going to happen.I mean, I'm pretty sure she still loves me...and I'm pretty sure that, if it just came right down to what she wants, I'm pretty sure that she'd go for it...but again, things aren't that simple. I don't know that she loves him the same way that she loves me (I could always be wrong), but I don't know that she would ever be able to bring herself to hurt like that, Yes, I know she finally said that maybe we should try it again one day if we found ourselves single...but she's not single. And again, I don't have another 20 years to wait around for that to happen.So, here I stand, a man with a mission that I've been preparing myself for for years...and I have no idea how to pull it off. Hmm, I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing...I just know that I have to do it, for me if nothing else. Because this is it this time. After you & everything else, I know that I have to deal with all this somehow...I either have to finally make it part of my life, or I have to find a life apart from it. LOL... Changed My mind! I will think up a solution back to few months ago, But not anymore now or future.. Haha... Keep moving forward, letting go the past. (: